Posted in Challenges, This Is Our Journey

Getting Through Challenges Apart

Thursday, May 30, 2019

So I have decided I will go ahead and start blogging a little bit and work on the other areas that still need completion. Today is a rough day for me. Austin was supposed to have his interview yesterday and I was expecting to be spending my day with him securing a flight for him to arrive within at least 2-3 weeks from now. But, on Monday at 4:24 pm he received an email from the Nigerian Embassy that they rescheduled his appointment for another 2 weeks away from now. Due to safety & security reasons, please be patient with us, as we are not announcing his actual interview date and flight dates. We do plan to complete a review on the website http://www.VisaJourney.com once he has arrived safely in the USA. At that time I will provide the link to our Visa Journey page so that you can read the review; however, I will also post the review here on our website.


The website I just listed is a good resource for immigration processes and information on all types of topics. (Disclaimer: http://www.VisaJourney.com is not an affiliated website with the USCIS, NVC, and DOD or any other Immigration Services. It is simply a resource to talk with other’s like you and a tool for tracking your case within your own country. You c/an also check how other countries compare to your country regarding time frames, etc.) So, anyway if you need a starting point that is a great place to visit, as they give you a list of documents to gather for each step of the process, whether you are filing for spousal, fiancé, education, or tourist visa.


Today has been a tough day for me, as I have been in a lot of pain with this infection I have developed that requires Intravenous Antibiotics. I am supposed to finish my treatment by tomorrow, but I had a sudden increase in swelling and redness in my right leg. But then my Infectious Disease doctor office called and told me that had to stop taking my antibiotic and they considered me done with my medication. All I could think is Lord, help me to stay calm and try to understand what is happening. I was also asking God to tell me can I trust this new doctor enough yet. Then my pain management doctor wants to experiment on me, taking me off one medication and putting me on another medication that he really doesn’t know if it even works. I am in Facebook group and everyone in the group told me to find a new doctor and don’t take the Belbuca. I have had several kidney issues in the past and kidney failure twice. I was almost put on dialysis. All the information I read online about this supposed miracle drug is that it is hard on the kidneys for people with past history of kidney issues. My Nephrologist (Kidney Physician) and my Primary Care Internist Physician said they were not comfortable with me taking this drug. Now, here I am once again on the verge of kidney problems from an antibiotic I have maintained good kidney function on every time I took it in the past and often was on it for more than 2 weeks.
Just to go back, earlier in the morning, before all this hassle with my Infectious Disease Physician office, I called Austin asking for his help to get in touch with my Pain Management Physician (PMP). Austin amaze’s me how much he truly cares about me and my health. I have been waiting since yesterday for my PMP to return my call. He called my PMP trying to implore them to have the doctor contact me or at the very least the nurse call me, because I have been waiting to hear from someone since yesterday. They finally called me and I have appointments scheduled Monday finally to be re-evaluated and discuss these issues.


Then, to change the subject, as I am writing this I see Austin comment on a post about an issue in Nigeria. I am not sure of the area, but if you have ever been to Nigeria for a long period of time, meaning more than a week at least, one can go for a day or two or even a week or more without electricity. When I spent a month there with Austin, we had electricity off and on, but never for more than a few hours. Then, for probably the last 3 weeks of my month there we had no electricity, but we did have access to a generator. But, even with the generator it would go off and on at times and it doesn’t provide air conditioning or hot water for a bath. Now, let me say this about the bath issue, if we had been out in the heat all day and came back to the hotel room it was quite nice to have a cold bath. But, Lord have mercy as God is my witness, taking a cold bath in the early morning is a shock to your body when you are not used to it. It is extremely reprehensible to me that a governmental body could be so corrupt to succumb their people to such atrocities as lack of basic needs, such as electricity, water (including hot water), medical care assistance, and food assistance.


It is so hard to think about what Austin goes through every day, just to survive; there conditions are so harsh on individuals that it is unthinkable that humans can still be this way. I worry about him daily, minute to minute I think of my love. Between his living conditions, my health issues, and my strong love for Austin I am ready to be with him again. If I was able to fly out to Nigeria for another visit I would be on the first plane I could get, but I am required to have a letter from my team of physicians giving me permission to fly within the U.S. and out of the country, due to my being hospitalized in Dublin, Ireland for one week on my return flight from Nigeria back to the U.S. in November/December of 2016. That month was the best month of my life and it was the worst feeing in the world to leave him behind.


Days like today can lead to tension between Austin and I, which is normal in any long distance relationship, most often referred to as an LDR. Austin & I do have occasional arguments, but what is most important to understand is that this is going to happen from time to time, simply because in an international relationship/LDR you are trying to merge two different cultures, two different lifestyles, two different ways of expressing the same religious affiliation or two different religions, and lastly, two different worlds. It takes a lot of hard work, dedication, trust, honesty, total transparency, communication, and honest intentions, on both parties sides, in order to survive the challenges one will face in this type relationship. The main perspective here is, if you are not willing put in the effort to make your relationship work together, then you are not likely meant for international/long distance relationships. The most important thing you can do is to evaluate all the different elements I have touched on to determine if you have what it takes to endure successfully through all stages of the immigration process, while also working together towards one common goal of being together. Spend as much time together as possible fiancé or husband when you go for visits. Treasure these moments and appreciate him/her for whom they already are. Don’t try to change them, for you fell in love with them for whom they already were when you met. Remember that you chose each other and remember that we are human and we are God’s children, but we are not perfect as Jesus. It is so hard some days knowing when I sleep tonight, I am alone still, and when I wake in the morning, I am still alone, when a challenge comes along, I am alone; although I am not. When things get hard between you both, remember why you chose each other; remember why you love each other so much; don’t forget when you looked into their eyes for the first time; when you kissed them for the first; and when you touched their hand for the first time; when heard his heart beat for the first time in your ear as you fell asleep on his chest; and when watched them sleep so peacefully that first night, because finally you were both together.

When things get so hard that you begin to question your relationship pray the following prayer below…

Lord, I can’t move. I can’t sit still or stand. I can’t breathe. I think I’m dying. Everything’s falling apart inside me and around me. I don’t know what to do.
Please wrap your arms around me and don’t ever let go. Slow my racing heart. Clear my spinning head. Calm my frantic lungs. I need Your patience to breathe through this moment and make it to the next. Thank you for being a God of the moment, a God who cares, a God able to guard my heart and mind.

“Father you have said in your word, ‘I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you’ so I ask that you would please counsel me with your eye upon me. Please show me the way I should go in this situation.”

Dear Lord, I offer you this prayer, to help me with my current relationship situation. Please take away all the pain and hurt in my heart. Fill it with love, joy, patience, and understanding. Bless me and my partner, so that we may never surrender to whatever challenges that come our way, in Jesus name, Amen.

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Author:

I am American and my fiancé is Nigerian (African) from the Igbo Tribe. We were aquaintances in a Christian Facebook group where we followed each other's postings regularly. On April 30, 2016 Austin sent me an official Facebook friend request. For 3 days, I checked his Facebook profile thoroughly (always very important no matter the connection to be established) and I prayed to the Lord for guidance, as I was married to another Nigerian from the Yoruba tribe, but we had been separated for almost a year, since his arrival in the US (never saw that one coming in a million years - story to be added later). I felt the Lord leading me strongly to accept Austin's friend request; therefore, on March 3, 2016 I accepted his friend request; and the rest, as they say, is history. This was the beginning of Our True Love Story and we have been planning our White Wedding for celebration on February 14, 2020 to be held at the Newman's Castle and Newman's Bakery in Bellville, Texas. This has been a long journey for us and we decided to share our story in an effort help other's in relationships similar to our story, to assist them in learning how to navigate the Immigration Process, learning how to keep their relationship alive, and how to communicate and compromise to make it through this long journey, stronger than when they began. We also want to assist with resources whether you plan to file for a spousal visa or a fiancé visa. Making these types of relationships work and last is a journey, in and of itself, not to mention the journey of a lifetime and will certainly be an incredible story to share with friends, family, and especially their children, whether you are a blended family or are planning your future with children. I am a Social Worker by degree with a Bachelor's of Science in Social Work, I love children and I am a true cat lover, owner, and fan; however, I love all animals. I am a devout and faithful Christian with a strong faithful heart, but I am also human. Currently I am on permanent disability and dealing with multiple health issues, but have faith that God will heal me. I own several wonderful cats and I am looking forward to welcoming my wonderful fiancé to the US for the first time and to getting married to my soulmate and love of my life, Austin, within 90 days of his arrival and celebrating our official White Wedding with our family and friends.

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